Most days long before I actually sit down to blog I have a pretty good idea what I will write about. God will lay something on my heart or put an idea in my mind which I am convinced someone needs to hear. Then when I sit down in front of the computer ready to enter the words onto the blank screen, I say a little prayer asking God to put the thoughts into my mind so it all comes together as He would have it. And up until the last couple of weeks it has all worked out well with ideas coming at me in such abundance I actually had to keep a note pad and pen handy to record them all lest I forget any. But lately my mind has felt as if it were a dried up creek bed and I often I find myself sitting and staring at a blank screen desperately listening for the direction my fingers are to go on the keyboard.
When God laid this blog upon my heart, I knew it was to use all the things I had gone thru to help bring comfort and encouragement to someone who was going thru the same things. To bring an awareness of God's presence in everything we go thru in life the happy, the sad and everything in between. While I knew nothing of the process and the challenges it presented for someone unheard of such as myself, I believed with all my heart that God would see to it my words would find their way to whomever they were written for. So with the support of Jackie I began the arduous task of constructing the web site which launched the site and on February 27 of this year I published my first entry. While there were bumps and bruises along the way I never doubted the call on this phase of my life and eagerly looked forward to writing each day.
Lately however, I have found myself doubting what I am doing and wondering if I have made a difference to anyone at all. Or for that matter if I will ever make a difference to anyone. I began to start looking at the numbers; the number of subscribers, the number of visitors, the number of pages viewed, blah, blah and they were dismal to say the very least. The more I concentrated on the numbers the more discouraged I found myself and as time went by the harder it became for me to hear from God what I was supposed to write about.
And then today as I sat down to write, I found myself looking at yet another blank screen and in order to buy myself a little extra time I pulled up the analytics screen to see if the numbers had improved at all. And that's when I heard knew what the problem was. Me. I had said from the very beginning if I touched only one person's life I would have considered the blog a success and anything extra would be icing on the cake. Following God's will and the call I felt was all that mattered to me. I wasn't motivated by the thought of making huge amounts of money or in pursuit of a big book deal and I honestly didn't care how many people read what I wrote. I only cared that the right person read the write story. I had fallen into the vicious trap of looking to people to validate my efforts when I needed to only look up to know that I was fulfilling the call which had been laid upon me. They say numbers don't lie but I say they don't tell the truth either.
Until we meet here again, I pray God bless you and keep your loved ones safe.