Hello Friends. Those of you who regularly follow this blog are aware that with a few exceptions I have been silent this year. The words which at one time flowed freely out of my soul to the blank page via the keyboard, just could not be found. My mind just closed down and I could not hear the voice of God directing the thoughts I wanted to convey. At this point you may be wondering what precipitated this loss of words. Very simply put, I lost my Mother but not in the way you are probably thinking.
There are many ways in which we loose people we love, death obviously is one of them. However sometimes it is simply because we have grown up, moved away or just simply and gently drifted apart and out of touch. Other times the loss is caused by a disagreement, irreconcilable differences or harsh and unkind words that leads to emotional hurts and scars. And still yet there are times when there is seemingly no reason or cause which lead to the loss, just one day it is gone. Such was the case with the relationship I thought I shared with my Mother. In a blink of an eye, I found out that our entire relationship was based on nothing more than deceit and that she was not who I thought she was.
One day I was talking and texting with her multiple times a day, making trips to St. Louis every six to eight weeks to spend time with her and the next I am being told by a social worker in a medical facility that she has only two daughters and I am not one of them. And as if that wasn't cruel enough she prepared and sent to me a video in which she herself told me she wanted nothing to do with me along with other things I never thought I would hear my Mother say. I am not ashamed to say that nothing I have ever been thru in life has broken me so profoundly.
In the Bible Romans 8:28 tells us, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God," and I believe that now more than I have ever believed it. You see despite the façade I have put on my entire life, I was not raised in a home made of lollipops, rainbows, kisses and hugs. On the contrary I am pretty certain that somewhere there is a dictionary that features a picture of my family under the word dysfunctional. To quote someone close to me, "I am tired of pretending and hiding the truth". I started writing this blog because God laid it on my heart that I could help people thru the telling of my story. But the truth is I was only telling part of my story. Partly out of respect to my Mother, partly out of shame for how I was raised and how I have allowed it to affect my life, I only told part of the story or left things out all together. I believe God did work this out for my good, although it didn't always feel like it.
So going forward what can you expect from this blog. Well, you can expect lots of what you always have gotten from me. I hope to make you laugh, sometimes make you cry. Inspire you to try a new recipe or make a craft. I hope to bring you a bit more of what Jackie has going on and always you can expect lots of Shit-zu pictures. And most of all, I hope to make you think about everything God does in your life and to cause you to look for Him in all things and above all be thankful.
Until we meet here again, I pray God bless you and keep your loved ones safe.