No Longer Outside Looking In
When I was I child I loved when we went out at night. The reason why we were going out mattered little but rather it was the escape those outings provided me from the reality of my young life that did. For however long the rides lasted I could imagine I lived in another house and belonged to another family where love and happiness existed in abundance and nothing bad could happen.
I would sit in the back seat of my parents car and just watch as we passed house after house. I could see thru the windows each house all lit up and looking warm and cozy. For a sad little girl they all looked so pretty from the outside looking in and I just knew that each housed a happy family complete with a chubby little girl where weight made no difference at all.
In my mind the house was everything mine was not. It was pretty, clean and smelled wonderful. It was peaceful and calm, there was no screaming or yelling and hitting was strictly forbidden. The mom had made a delicious supper and the whole family sat down together to eat and everyone took turns sharing the events of their day. In that house there was lots of love and kisses and you always knew you were perfect just because you were you.
Those rides never would last long enough. All too soon they would come to an end and so would my dreams of belonging somewhere else. Living a life so much different than the one which was my reality. I would step out of the car and back in to the chaotic, dysfunctional mess that was my life. I prayed for the life that imaginary family lived and spent my life looking for that place where I belonged.
This afternoon I was standing in the ponies stall waiting for Jackie to bring a bale of hay. As I waited I looked down at our little house, nestled amongst the trees and watched smoke swirl out of the chimney and it dawned on me. The chubby little girl who once upon a time sat in the back seat of her parents car, didn't have to dream anymore. I no longer am on the outside looking in because that perfect little house is now my home, the place where I belong.
Until we meet here again, I pray God bless you and keep your loved ones safe.