Cowgirl Still At Heart

As far back as I can remember I wanted to be a cowgirl.  No, strike that.  As far back as I can remember I have been a cowgirl.  I have written before how I have no explanation as to why since my exposure to horses or rather ponies was limited to the pony rides that could be had for thirty-five cents during the summers on the library parking lot.  My dad loved the western television shows which in those days were offered on very small screens and without benefit of color and I am sure they added to my vivid imagination.  But nothing accounted for my deep seated love of horses and my desire to have my life revolve around them.  A love that would not fade nor be deterred.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with a disease called Ankolosing Spondylitis.  It is auto-immune disease which pretty much has it's way with your body and attacks pretty much wherever it wants.  And while I have no control over the disease nor do I have the power to stop it, I do have control over what it can take from me.  The truth of the matter is the  last several years, I have let it take my life with horses away from me.  The heart of who I am and the dream I fought so hard to find.  Why you ask?  Because it was safer for my body.

Recently I have begun writing again for some horse magazines and reliving the stories I write has made me realize just how much I have missed myself.  How much I have missed the feeling of freedom and the view from atop the back of a horse.  A trusted mount with whom I would become one soul when we would ride.  The purpose to which horses and caring for them gave to my life.  Which causes me to question the worth of a life lived without the things you love.  A life lived playing it safe, devoid of any risk.  Makes me think...….what about you my friends.

Until we meet here again, I pray God bless you and keep your loved ones safe.


PS: The photo above is of me about age 4.  My trustie pink "stead" is my Christmas poodle.