Most people have a difficult time understanding why an adult woman would allow herself to be abused by a man or anyone for that matter. I myself have been the victim of abuse my entire life. It started as far back as I can remember when I was a small child and continued up until the time right before I met Jackie. Truth be told I never knew a life without abuse and strife. Physical, emotional, verbal, I lived with it all and by the grace of God I lived thru it all. I didn't know how to have a relationship, any kind of a relationship without it.
Jackie asked me once why I allowed people to treat me so badly. Why I would let someone break my heart, my body and my soul. His question took me quite off guard as no one had ever asked me before. Now had he asked me earlier in my life I would not have known how to answer him, however in the time prior to our meeting, I spent a lot of time seeking God's answer to the one question I wanted the answer to more than anything. What was wrong with me? Why was I not worth loving?
Turns out the answer was not complicated. I didn't know any better. No one taught me that I was worth loving, that I deserved to be loved for no other reason than I was me. So I allowed people to treat me throughout my life the way I grew up being treated. I was so desperate to be loved, to have a friend, that anyone who showed the slightest interest in me I let in without even questioning their motives. And when the abuse and bullying would begin I always knew that somehow it was my fault. If I could just be thinner, prettier, smarter....I never ran out of possible reasons.
Once I had the answer to my question you would have thought I would be able to quickly eliminate all the toxic relationships from my life and it would be smooth sailing going forward. While it is true enough that some relationships were easy to leave behind in the dust, others proved much more difficult to let go of. Change for me has been an ongoing and difficult process. I have had to learn that true forgiveness can come at the same time I realize I must walk away from a relationship because it is unhealthy for me.
I write this to anyone who needs to hear these words. To anyone you may know that needs to hear these words. I encourage you to reach out to anyone you suspect may need to hear they are worth loving and no one has the right to be unkind to them. As unbelievable as it may sound to you, there are many people in this world who do not know. I often wonder how different my life may have been if someone would have told me I was worth loving before so much damage was done. Don't be afraid to open your heart to someone. You could be their difference.
Until we meet here again, I pray God bless you and keep your loved ones safe.